long distance relationships

family, friends, partners, and everyone in between

A long-distance relationship (LDR) is a romantic or intimate partnership between individuals separated by significant geographic distance, which prevents regular in-person contact.

Right now, I am in a long-distance relationship; there are 2,088 miles between my partner and me for the next six months.

It should be noted that this is not the first time we have done long-distance. About a year ago, when I was going to study abroad, my partner and I were going to be apart for about four months. I remember someone genuinely asking me when we were going to break up. Not if, but when. My jaw dropped. The thought had never crossed my mind. What a preposterous idea. Why would I give up on a beautiful thing just so I don’t have to face adversity in my relationship? Is that really the easier way out?

Everyone has their own opinions on love and relationships, but I think most of us can agree that if everything is going great, why break it? I realized that there are some people out there who would rather bail before bad things might happen to avoid dealing with them.

A long-distance relationship carries such a heavy meaning in my head. I hear all about couples who struggle and grow apart, but never the triumphs and success stories. I believe if we continue to feed into this dialogue of how LDR ends in doom and misery, people lose hope. So, as I face adversity in my life yet again, I wanted to share my take on long-distance relationships, whether with family, friends, or partners.

Long-distance relationships date back to the 17th century, as evidenced by historical letter writing and ancient trade networks. Millions and millions of couples can say they are or have been in a long-distance relationship. They look very different now than they did hundreds of years ago, thanks to smartphones and social media. Calling people has never been easier, and keeping up with friends online has never been more accessible, but why do these things seem so difficult to make a consistent habit of? With convenience comes laziness, and with laziness comes resentment. We make up excuses, saying we have to do this; we should be doing that, etc.

If you’re already wanting to give up after day two, remember that those doubts have nothing to do with the strength of your relationship or the level of trust you have with your partner. Those doubts creep up because of the level of awareness we have now compared to the 17th century, and the constant expectations society casts on us. We compare our relationship to other people on the other side of the world. We see this couple visiting each other once a month and wondering why the same can’t be said for us.

Here’s some unsolicited advice and tips for enjoying the long-distance as much as possible instead of dreading it:

1. Set expectations and boundaries — your individual definitions of constant communication might differ, and that’s okay

2. Check in with each other about how it’s going and what, if anything, should change

3. Send a “thinking of you” text even though they might not be able to read it anytime soon

4. Send random pictures to make it seem like they were a part of your day

5. Send each other songs that remind you of them

6. Talk on the phone (if possible) at least every day, if not, have the next time you’ll talk planned out

7. Have the next time you’ll see each other planned out (or at least have an idea of when that will be to give both of you hope)

8. Send daily NYT games, iPhone GamePigeon games, Words with Friends puzzles, or Chess.com games

9. Instead of just talking on the phone, play games on Minecraft or Roblox, so as not to get stuck in a constant cycle of just talking about your days

10. FaceTime them while you are both doing mundane tasks like errands or chores

11. Plan virtual dates (order each other food to surprise them, watch a movie or show together, build Lego sets, paint and sip, or read the same book)

12. Pretend you’re in the 17th century and mail them a letter! Who knows, you might get one back :)

I can’t even speak on this topic too much because I know people who have been in long-distance relationships for years, so kudos to you if you are in that situation. I am rooting for you! However, I still wanted to speak on what little I know about the topic and give you, as the reader, a glimpse of hope if you need it.

Just remember, long-distance has never been easy, but it has always been worth it.